1 Day Until Release

Only one more day until the greatest combination of poop jokes and formal poetry is in your hands. Well, come to think of it, there aren’t actually many poop jokes, but I like the sound of the phrase “poop jokes and poetry.” The cover is a poop joke!

The last poem I’ll be sharing before the book launches tomorrow is incredibly special because it’s about something very near and dear to my heart: my nuts. I’ve always had a very close bond with my nuts. I take them almost everywhere I go, constantly popping them in my mouth, crunching them up, and swallowing them. Sometimes, they get stuck in my throat and I have to wash them down with a glass of water.

In all seriousness, this is one of my favorite poems to share and especially to read out loud. I hope you enjoy my nuts and I hope you enjoy the book!

My Nuts

Today I’ve got a heavy nut sack         filled

with Brazil nuts. Sometimes I wonder if

they call them that because they’re from Brazil

or because      like Brazil        they’re gigantic.


Don’t get me wrong    I like gigantic nuts

just not as much as their wee nut brothers:

cashews, almonds, peanuts…       You know   those nuts

you can beat, bruise, and mash into nut butters.


I’m under the impression most people

like their nuts beaten to dust so they can

spread them around. That way they are able

to sandwich their nuts firm between soft breads.


I understand    like life, nuts can be hard

but crack them right and you’ll reap the reward.


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